Saturday, April 15, 2006

I Found A Wonderful Man

Beware: This is a potentially mushy post because it is written with my dearest hubby in mind. Wear a sweater if you feel cold. But I don't really care, cos this is my blog. : )

Having Joey drew Isaiah and I closer together. I told him the other day that after giving birth, I seem to love him three times more now than before. Haha.. Maybe it's a special bond that links us together because we are both parents of Joey and she is a testimony of our love for each other. Without Isaiah by my side all these while, I am sure I will not be able to go through the first few days after I gave birth.

Many people came to visit me while I was in the hospital. I chatted freely and cheerfully with all of them. When I was sitting or resting on the bed, it was still alright. But many did not see the part when I started to make a small move to try walking. The pain was excruciating. And I really mean it. It's much much worse than the contraction pains.

On my 2 attempts to go to the toilet (which was just 1 metre away from my bed), I took 2 hours to make it to and fro. Every movement I made would give me a sharp pain in the place of the wound where the stitch begun. It was demoralising and disheartening. I was very worried that I could not be discharged in 2 days' time because I could not even move. I was horrified each time I tried to make an attempt to move. But Isaiah was by my side all the time. He would patiently calm me down when I cry in despair or scream in pain. He would encourage me and spur me on just to take another step. I know it was emotionally draining on him having to see me cry and whine while being physically so exhausted himself from all the travelling to & fro the hospital. Yet, he had to put on a strong smile for me and keep encouraging me. He had to be the strong tower that I can hold on to. When I felt like a burden and such a failure, he reassured me time and time again that he will always be by my side and that I will overcome this ordeal.

Going through an emergency C-section and putting Joey in the NICU for one day kind of bursted our budget because we had initially planned for a smooth natural birth. So, on one hand, I was worried about not making any progress in my healing, on the other hand, I did not want to be hospitalised for additional days because of the cost. I told God that no matter what, I want to be discharged on the 3rd day, and that means I must get out of bed. It was no good even on the day before I was due for discharge. Even though I was put on a stronger dose of painkiller, the pain was really bad. Dr Chew said my wound is alright, just that one of the stitches had fallen on a main nerve, therefore causing the bad pain. But she said if I do not force myself to walk, it will never heal. It was worse seeing how my neighbour in the next ward started to walk by herself to the toilet the very next day from her C section. I wondered to myself countless times why I was so weak.

I sighed a heave of relief when Dr Chew gave me the clear to be discharged when she examined me on the morning of the third day. I did not tell her I could not really walk yet, because I told myself no matter what, I want to go home.

It was a miracle from this point on, because the moment I reached home, I could actually walk with Isaiah's assistance. Not much pain and still manageable. By the time I stepped into my house, I could walk by myself. I cannot think of any reason why except that God reduced the pain to the bare minimum so that I could walk around and exercise the nerve to recovery. I went completely off the painkillers two days ago, and this morning I just had my stitches removed. It was a very scary episode for me, I must admit. But for those of you who will be giving birth or planning to have children in future, please don't be scared off. Different women have it differently. Some tell me they had zero pain from their C section, some had experiences like mine. So, it's really hard to say.

But I am really glad to say that I have finally pulled through it. And I can blog it out now. Boy! The worst is finally over! Thank God for a super supportive husband who will still tell me he loves me everyday, and will give me a warm smile and hug just to make sure I remember he loves me. Without him, I wouldn't be able to go through this, I am sure. So yes, I am thankful to God for letting me find such a wonderful man.