Last weekend, I finally felt that I was not a lonely mummy.

Truth be told, although I appear as a very happy and jovial mum on this blog, there are many times in my life as a mummy, when I felt lousy, guilty and definitely less than adequate as a mum. Many people have told me that they see me as a mum who really enjoyed motherhood. I really do most of the time, but just like any human being, I sometimes crave for a little more freedom, a little more personal space and a little more opportunities to do what I really feel like doing.

When I was a young working adult, I had the dream of becoming a full time housewife after I get married. Now that I’m married with kids, that’s the last thing on my mind. Simply because to me, staying at home 24/7 just taking care of kids will drive me crazy. Seriously, I admire all SAHMs who seemed to thoroughly enjoy their lives staying at home with their children. They are really people with exceptional sacrificial spirit. I don’t have that magnitude.

I’ve always felt that I must be one horrible monster mummy because I preferred working hard in the office than staying one day at home with my kids. It seemed like such a terrible thing to actually feel that way!! Am I really such a horrible mummy??! Every time I thought of that, I felt ashamed and very guilty. Most of the time, I would hear my mummy friends say how much they treasure the time they can spend with their kids, and how much they rather be home with their kids than spending time doing something else. And me? I only think such thoughts like 50% of the time. The other 50%, I am just glad to be out of the house working or doing stuffs I like. Ah, horrible me!!

Then as if God heard my silent prayers for forgiveness, I had conversations with some mummy friends over the weekend that made me feel tons better. We chatted and shared many of our own experiences and stories, and the bottomline was: I WAS NOT ALONE. So! So! So! I was NOT the only one who enjoyed working as compared to taking care of kids!! I was NOT the only one who would take effort to plan me-time so that I can breathe and not be driven up the walls by the kids!! I’ve got other mummies who actually think and feel the same way I do?!!!

I felt way, way better. It was just liberating, to say the least.

And it reminded me about how important having a mummy support group is. I don’t mean a formal support group, but rather having a group of mummy friends around you who share your joys and woes as a mum, and totally understand what you mean when you say you cannot take it anymore. You know how guilt can literally eat you alive? It’s really not a pleasant feeling. Knowing there are people who go through the same struggles, pain and fears as us make it that much easier to endure it.

And so, to all my mummy friends who go through this life journey together with me: Thank you. I am thankful for everyone of you. =)

加油 Mummy Kless!