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Monday, November 05, 2012

I Would Make A Lousy Stay-At-Home Mum

For a very long period in my teenage years, my ambition was to become a housewife.

Then, I had aspirations about becoming the gentle and demure wife to my handsome husband and caring mother to my kids. I would take such good care of my house that all of them would be so proud of me. The house will be spick and span always, the kids would be well-behaved, and everyone would have delicious and yummy hot meals to look forward to everyday. I would boil soups and make desserts on alternate days and my cakes and cookies would be the best in the neighbourhood. My husband's friends would envy him for having a virtuous wife, while my kids' friends would envy them for having such an understanding mum.

Fast forward 20 years to this point in my life, when I actually have a husband and two kids, I look back and cringe at the thoughts that went through my mind during those days. Obviously, I didn't know any better then.

Kids are like double-edged swords - They bring out the best and the worst in you. In my six years as a mum, I've discovered talents and traits in myself that I didn't know before. I didn't know I could cook for children or make bentos (for one whole year, I made bento every weekday for Joey!). I didn't know I could look at poo and urine at face value and not cringe one bit. I certainly didn't know I could devise little games to entertain children (out of desperation most of the time though), or have the energy to bring them to so many different places to have fun.

But having kids also made me realise what a quick-tempered person I am and how little patience and tolerance I have. Very often, I find it easy to lose my temper over little petty matters that the kids did and it's become a habit for me to chant, 'Hurry up!' Sigh, it's sobering to realise all these horrible traits I have and admit that I am not as perfect as I thought I am. So many times, I wished I had the level of patience my other mummy friends have, or be a little more patient with my kids simply because they are still learning and trying to catch up with my tempo. Out of 10 times, I probably fail 9 times. Each time, I would feel guilty and bad for being the horrible mum that I was, and told myself I'd do better the next time round. But of course, the cycle repeats itself, almost as if it's on an auto mode.

While I do love my kids a lot and look forward to spending time with them, I have to admit that it is also the most draining when I am hanging out with them. During the weekends when I take care of my kids and let my mother-in-law take a break, it's physically and mentally tiring for me. But it is also the only time I get to spend quality time with them, so I try my very best to do that. Perhaps because my kids are just active by nature, by the time the weekend is over, I would actually be looking forward to going back to my job! Sitting in my office, working on my laptop, sipping my coffee and chatting with my colleagues is way less tiring than entertaining two active kids all weekend long! =P

I totally sound like a horrible mum now, don't I?

After a while, I realised that my dream to become a full-time housewife will never come to pass. I would become a grumpy, unhappy and dissatisfied mummy and wife! Just the thought of it should scare you off, but I thought I should show you something more graphical, just to make my point.

I think being able to be a happy stay-at-home mum is a calling. Yes, it's that serious. If I force myself to be one, it would be torturous for both myself and the kids. Now at work, I miss my kids and look forward to spending time with them during the weekends, obviously totally forgotten about the trauma I went through the previous weekend. =P Mumnesia (Mummy's amnesia) is a very good thing, I say.

But tough as it may be, having to juggle my full-time job during the weekdays and fulfil my motherly duties during the weekends, I am determined to enjoy and live my life the best I know how. After all, the kids are not young and dependent on me forever. There will come a day when I will miss all these. And naughty things that my kids have done, or how their antics drove me crazy would make super good stories for my grandchildren in the future, I'm sure.

Or perhaps I should just show my grandchildren this blog and ask them to read it themselves. =P

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